NOT A DRILL! We’re Getting The Epstein Files!!

TODAY ON NEWSSSDADDYYYY!!❤️🍿🥤

**EPSTEIN FILES FINALLY MOVING FORWARD**

Huge day yesterday — the House voted **427–1** to release the Epstein files. Only Clay Higgins voted against it, claiming it would harm innocent people, before Community Notes pointed out the bill *already* protects victims. Then the Senate fast-tracked it and passed it the same day. Now it’s up to Trump, who previously promised to sign if both chambers agreed. Files must be released within 30 days once he does, although some national-security redactions are expected. The big question: will Trump stick to it, or flip again?

**RONALDO AT THE WHITE HOUSE**

Cristiano Ronaldo pulled up to a black-tie White House dinner — and reportedly *requested* the visit. He arrived alongside Elon Musk, Tim Cook, FIFA president Gianni Infantino and MBS. Trump even said it was an honour to host him and mentioned Barron being a massive fan. After Ronaldo’s recent Piers Morgan interview praising Trump, this meetup felt inevitable.

**WORLD CUP VOODOO DRAMA**

Nigeria crashed out of World Cup qualifying on penalties, but the real chaos came afterwards when Congo’s coach Eric Chelle accused Nigeria of using **voodoo with water** during the shootout. Footage shows him trying to confront someone on the touchline twice. Nigeria has now missed two World Cups in a row, and the reactions are split between heartbreak and “bro is salty.”

**D4VD CASE TAKES A TURN**

Just a day after reports said police weren’t close to an arrest, an LAPD source told NBC that D4vd is officially a suspect in the death of 15-year-old Celeste Rivas. Her dismembered body was found in the trunk of his Tesla earlier this year. Sources say he’s not cooperating, and detectives believe more than one person might have been involved. They still don’t know her exact cause of death, which is delaying an arrest — but things are looking worse by the day.

**NICKI MINAJ AT THE UN WITH THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION**

Nicki Minaj shocked everyone by speaking at the UN alongside the Trump administration about Christian persecution in Nigeria. She thanked Trump for “prioritizing the issue” and said violence is tearing families apart. Her speech came right as schoolgirls were kidnapped and a church was attacked. Nigeria denies targeting one religious group, saying the violence affects everyone, but the situation is clearly spiralling.

**GAMESTOP’S “TRADE ANYTHING” DAY**

GameStop announced a one-day event where customers can trade **basically anything** that fits in a box for store credit. No cash needed — just random belongings (minus weapons, drugs, animals, etc.). Nobody knows how they’ll price these items or what they’ll do with them, but it has chaos written all over it.

**RACCOONS ARE EVOLVING**

A new study suggests urban raccoons are showing early signs of domestication. Researchers found city raccoons have noticeably shorter snouts than rural ones — a classic marker of “domestication syndrome.” So yes, raccoons might literally be evolving into more human-friendly goblins over time.

**DISNEY WORLD’S STRANGE DEATH CLUSTER**

Disney World’s bizarre streak continues. After three deaths in ten days, two more have been reported — five in a month. Officials say they’re unrelated medical or mental-health emergencies, but people are already calling it “Five Nights at Mickey’s.” Either way, the timing is eerie.

00:00 – Introducing
00:58 – THE S*X FILES
04:22 – RONALDO AND TRUMP
07:31 – VOODOO IS THE NEW EXCUSE
09:08 – DAVD? DIVID? DVD? DAVID BURKE UPDATE.
10:46 – NICKI MINAJ AT THE UN
13:40 – GAMESTOP ABOUT TO FIND OUT…
14:46 – RACOON REELS BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF TIME
16:29 – THE FORBIDDEN STORY.